They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
