So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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