i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
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just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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