I can tuck mytits in my pants
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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