i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
there was a trapeze. enough said
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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