We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And then my night got REAL pukey
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
