My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
