Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
