Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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