His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
