operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
