My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
