3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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