We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Randomize
