Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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