just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
