My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
