You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
