Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Someone came in the potted fern
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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