My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
