I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
be right there i have to get my cape
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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