So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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