I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
