ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
