I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize