If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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