i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
