Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
