he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
