tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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