I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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