Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
