He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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