accomplished twins. life is a go
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize