i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This gyro tastes like lonliness
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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