Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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