oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
