i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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