I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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