how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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