I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you had me at cake vodka
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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