Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
