Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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