i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
