The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
