halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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