Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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