he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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