ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
