Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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