i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
