I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
