I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
