oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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