just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
