we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
