I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
