HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
