Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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