Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
