I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
