I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We need a shit load of segways right now
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
