I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
