Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You are a genius and a whore.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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