just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I got inside last night via doggy door
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
