watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
