so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
