Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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