just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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