i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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