I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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