I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
