When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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