There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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