did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
