Can i not drive my cunt home
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
